Remember this guy? He used to be the POTUS. Remember how we were first introduced to this jamoke as “W”? Remember how adorable that Texas charm and aw shucks humility seemed like exactly what we needed after Bubba and his antics? Remember how W was the kind of guy voters wanted to have a beer with–except that he gave up drinking precisely because he used to be too much of that kind of guy.
Remember how it took all those judges at the Supreme Court to promote W to President? Remember hanging chads and people down in Florida counting votes just to make sure we elected the “right guy”. Remember Al Gore’s concession speech? Remember how Al had this bizarre smile on his face? He was smiling because he realized that America had become Bizarro World.
Remember how W used to pronounce “nuclear” as “nook-yoo-ler”? Remember how that was okay–how for EIGHT YEARS the man with his finger on the button couldn’t (wouldn’t) even correctly pronounce the physics behind the most powerful weapons on earth? Remember how it undermined his scary “Axis Of Evil” speech and almost made you giggle whenever he said nookyooler? No? Am I the only person who giggled?
I remember how excited W got whenever he went on vacation to the “Western Whitehouse”. Like it was a fucking Presidential Spring Break or something. Or World Leaders Gone Wild. Remember W out in his Texas ranch brush chopping cedar wood and driving ATVs? Remember watching football, choking on a pretzel, and passing out? No? Maybe you were too busy fighting his wars. Or scrambling in the shambles of W’s destruction of the middle class. Or getting depressed watching his ridiculous, color coded, Terrorist-threat-level warning system change colors more often than an old RCA television from 1981?
Remember Torture? Remember W’s scary little friend whom he called Cheney? That guy never said anything. He just had his secret meetings in his secret locations with his secret CIA pals and he never said anything. At least not until he got out of office. Now he won’t shut the fuck up!
Remember how W would get all up on his hackles whenever he talked to that guy over in North Korea–how W always seemed to like to call Kim Jong Il’s bluff and refuse to talk until he wanted to follow W’s rules of engagement? I remember how the whole world hated America and how I started working on my Canadian accent.
Remember Iraq and Afghanistan? I do because we’re still dealing with it. W isn’t but we are.
Remember how W took all those trips to Texas, and he only went to Israel once? W only went to Israel once. At the end of his Presidency. The Israeli/Palestinian conflict is at the center of the main reason why Al Qaeda attacked us on 9-11. And W only went to Israel once. Remember how nobody said a goddamned thing about it?
Remember Katrina and New Orleans and the Gulf Coast? W forgot all about them. But he remembered to tell Brownie that he was doing a “great” job.
Remember how the economy started to implode just before W went away? Almost like he knew it was coming and he was just gonna slip out the back door before the shit hit the fan?
I remember W. For eight long years I was embarrassed to say I was an American because of W. For eight long years I felt like an outsider in my own country. For four long years I counted every day until the 2004 election…then for four more years I dreaded the 2008 election, fearing we were destined to elect another moronic, obnoxious, elitist, corrupt jerk like W.
Let’s remember W, so we never make a mistake like him again.
Voting Mad 